The idea for this post comes from one of our readers, who asked me to write on the subject of keeping a gold-medal-less child motivated to skate. I've taken a few days to think over this subject: one which filled my heart with sadness when I read said reader's post idea. Every child deserves to feel like a winner, but it's been hard putting myself in this mum's place, seeing as I don't have any children myself.

So do you spend a decent amount of time in the rink each week, watching your little one skate around to the music, progressing, preparing, and somehow s/he always seems to place off the box, or even win medals, but never the gold? Then this post is for you.

This is such a difficult subject, because the majority of us (and I say this rather than *all* of us, because I know people who have no particular desire to be the best at anything in life, but rather simply draw pleasure from the things they enjoy, and that's fine too) want to win. Not only in skating, but in general. As humans we like to feel important, and yes, better than the rest. So what should you do when your child always misses out on that golden feeling? And how can you help her (or him) go on?

Reality Check
First things first, the angle you take in treating such a subject is going to depend on your child's skill level, yes, talent, and the amount you have invested in skating not only as a parent, but as an entire family (early starts? Financial burden? Missing out on family time? We've all been there).

The first thing to do is make a reality check. If your child is a teen, has been skating since a young age, and has never won a competition, they made not be going to make a career out of it. I say this in the nicest way possible. There are very few skaters who do. But the earlier aspirations are aligned with reality, the faster the skater (and entourage!) can start having fun with their skating.

Every Body's Different
Just because your child isn't winning competitions now, doesn't mean that s/he wont in the future. Keep in mind the massive bodily changes kids go through, and think about how these can impact on a sport where balance and bodily awareness is everything. Even in terms of confidence level, and personality development, each child is different. Some develop, in every sense of the word, earlier than others. Perhaps your child's biggest competition is outrageously out-going, with full-on facial expressions to boot. That's a confidence thing, and there's nothing to say your little one wont come in to her own shortly too.

All my young skating life I was so very shy, and although I did win some club competitions over those first years on the ice, I would also place 2nd or lower in regional competitions. Eventually (as a teen) I got with the program (no pun intended) and realised that an act had to be put on. And boy did it work! Maturity can mean everything, so give your little star a chance to grow as a person, and a skater.

All The Right Reasons
Finding ways to motivate your skater when s/he always seems to miss the top spot can be tough, but ultimately one hard question must be asked: if the only thing that motivates the skater is winning, are they skating for the right reasons? I know this sounds harsh, but often skaters go through many years of their sporting career not truly knowing why. I've known plenty of them, and went through my fair share of the motions too.

Supporting your child to know the difference between winning and taking true pleasure from an activity is going to be key in helping her or him pick themselves up after a disappointment. None of us like to feel second best, but when the ultimate goal is to surpass oneself, enjoy the moment, wear a glittering dress, feel like a princess (I could go on...), then the disappointment is ultimately lessened, and gives way to the simple pleasures that make figure skating so wonderful.

Making Skating Fun
So what can you help your child focus on, to work through the feeling of inadequacy? Here are a few options and ideas of things you could do, to help your kid focus on getting more out of skating.